Have you ever had a time where you imagined yourself to be a painter (some of us are born painters, but for the lesser humans out there, like myself, I have to imagine). Anyway, a painter, you have just painted a pretty darn good painting. It looks the right way to be accepted into society, it has all the right focal points to draw attention, and yet has the bright colors to make you smile. Welp, that was kinda like my blog post I just wrote.
It said all the right things to seem spiritual.
It had a couple of key punch lines that were definitely twitter worthy.
It had some very dry sarcasm that was sure to make even the silent of us chuckle.
Why am I telling you about this blog post I seemingly wrote? Well, cause, I tossed it. I was at work typing up a post about Contentment vs. Entitlement. When I finished it, I stood up and starting walking around and praying. I knew this wasn’t my best work, I knew it wasn’t even honest, but it sounded good.
At one point during my prayer, this conversation happened:
Me: “God, how I am the least bit qualified to talk about entitlement and practical ways to overcome it? The past couple weeks have been so hard with basketball starting up, and me feeling like I should play.”
God: “Talk about that. I don’t want you to sound spiritual, I want you to be honest.”
Me: “Wait, what? No, no, no, I can’t talk about basketball; I still can’t even touch a basketball without feeling sad.”
God: “Trust me.”
So I guess we’re here.
Goodbye Basketball Part 2 - The heart edition
Last week I went to the first EVAC Varsity Girls’ basketball game of the 2014-2015 season. I was super excited to support my former team and cheer like the most obnoxious parent out there, but that excitement faded...tremendously fast. Within 5 minutes of the game, my leg was shaking, my head dizzy, and my heart hurting. I missed basketball more than I could have ever imagined.
I managed to get through the game and head off to the see the Varsity Boys’ play. And then I ran into the EVAC Athletic Director upon entering the game. When he saw me, he looked me straight in the eyes and said, “Gracie, EVAC really misses you, and there’s still time for you to join the team.”
What? Wait? Bleh? Jfeiowaewiopafhueos? Now I was really confused.
I didn’t think quitting basketball would be this hard and I didn’t realize how invested my heart truly was in this sport and in the people. I just wanted peace. I wanted to go to that basketball game and feel nothing- feel no attachment to the sport or players, and just peacefully watch.
But there was a greater heart issue I was missing.
One of my friends called me that night to talk through everything that had happened because they knew basketball was a huge deal to me. At one point in the conversation they said something that hit me square between the eyes.
“Gracie, remember where your joy comes from.”
Where does my joy come from? This life isn’t supposed to be about me finding joy in this world; it’s about me finding joy in the Creator of this world.
You know why letting go of basketball has been so difficult? Because deep down I want my life to be mine. I want to clench that pen that writes the story of my life so I can plan for every little bump or crevice that may be on the paper. I want to know all the “knowns” because the “unknowns” are what scares me.
But that’s not God’s story for me.
A few other examples of areas I feel entitled in would be…
-My job- To be valued and appreciated the way I think my work deserves
-My family - To be cared for and looked after
-My church - To receive the spiritual encouragement and guidance I need to get through the week
-My school - To achieve the grades I want
-My free-time - When I have time in between activities I don’t want to be disturbed. Period.
So basically I have an entitled heart...yay...but why is that wrong?
It’s wrong because that means we are putting our faith in the strength of man to govern our lives when only Jesus can do that.
“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” -Romans 15:13
God wants to take my entitled heart and turn it into a heart of thankfulness so that he can write the story of my life. In order for that to happen, we need to do a little heart check:
Entitlement starts when we view our life as our own
Thankfulness starts when we see Jesus as our life
Entitlement steals our Joy by making us satisfied with the world
Thankfulness sees this world will never satisfy
Entitlement blames lack of Joy in our lives based on circumstances
Thankfulness recognizes Joy in Christ is NOT circumstantial
This week, let’s walk in the Joy of the holy spirit by choosing a thankful heart in every circumstance. There will probably be a “Goodbye Basketball Part 3” and “Part 4” because this is an ongoing heart process that I am wrestling with. But by golly, if Jesus wanted me to quit basketball and give Him the reigns that lead the horses in my life, I will. Praise Jesus because time and time again, He shows me that He is bigger than my doubts… even when my heart wrestles with basketball.
With pumpkin-pie-stuffing-day tomorrow, I wish you all a Happy Thanksgiving! Now get off the computer and spend time with the people around you!
Blessings, Gracie
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