The Heart Matters.

Well folks, I just turned 18 on the 1st! Woot woot! It was fun: sister time, niece/nephew bonding, and paddle boating (if you haven't seen the embarrassing video, don't. please). I've always looked forward to turning 18, but now that I am that age, I still feel the same (this happens to everyone, right?).

But if there's one thing that I've learned in my 18 years of life, is that the heart matters. My life has reflected this truth greatly in the months leading up to August.

I've never been to the hospital as much as I have these last few months. After countless hours of waiting rooms and numerous test, my dad was told he had a heart problem. When your heart is only working at 15 percent, it's a big deal, I guess. On June 15th (yes, Father's day) my dad had four-way bypass surgery (in other words, open heart surgery). As he was strolled away into the operating room, he whispered, "kids, remember to take care of your heart- it matters.”

The surgery and recovery went well (Praise Jesus!), but it was emotionally exhausting. During this time, I slowly began to shut people out and become obsessed with school. Don't get me wrong, it's not bad to spend a lot of time in school, but when you let it consume your thoughts, it becomes a problem. And so it was for me. I tried not to think about what the consequences would be if something were to go wrong in my dad’s fragile state, so I avoided such thoughts and vulnerability. When people asked how my father was doing, I professed a good attitude and told them how I trusted in a faithful God, but I didn't really believe that. I was trusting in my own abilities and an image of what I thought God should look like. Ouch.

It began to spiral down from there. I always felt tired, I was weary, and I had a huge attitude. Slowly but surely, my life consisted of more TV watching than Bible reading. And through this whole process, I didn't even realize my sin problem. I thought everyone else was in the wrong. And then the most beautiful and hurtful thing happen: I was confronted by my parents and a few of my siblings of my reckless behavior. By their honest counsel and advice, and Jesus' kindness and grace, I was gently lead into repentance.

The moment I stopped guarding my heart during that sorrowful time, was the moment sin deceitfully crept into my life. The heart matters.

We must never forget that the heart is the root of our daily struggles: greed, possessions, attitude, consistency, pride, etc. And when we have a bad heart, our life will become bad. Things crumble. Guards fall down. Sin becomes blinding. The good news is that the only mandatory antidote for this dangerous state is Jesus. Seek Him.

My 18 years of life has been the sweetest reminder of this: walking with Jesus means continually learning how to guard my heart and obey Him even more than the day before. It takes time and it will always be a learning process, but it's one of the most important things we can do. The heart matters.

Emily Calligan